i have no reason to complain.
i am alive
my children are well
my husband loves me.
but i have been caged.
those 4 flights of stairs
the baby in my belly
the aches, the swollen ankles, the shortness of breath
keeps me trapped in our highly-perched nest
i lean out
and silently wish
i had the energy and emotional capacity
to escape and taste the world more often
but when i think of trying to walk back up those stairs
carrying Little Man, a baby in my belly, a diaper bag
and keeping Little Lady safe
i can't physically accomplish that anymore
and haven't been able to
for about a month.
my hands brush this gilded cage
because i do it willingly and lovingly--
for this baby i carry is sweeter
than a grocery store trip
a hobby lobby exploration
an errand or two or seven hundred
and though we all wear a face to those around us
sometimes the weariness of mortality
hangs our hands low
and tendrils of sadness sneak about our hearts
and then comes peace
peace came in the form of 3 perfect faces
that i have held, do now hold, and will always hold
dear to my heart
[photo from 2005]
they played with my babies
washed my dishes [my dishwasher is broken]
cleaned my kitchen
and will be adopting the babies and i for a few days
while Handsome Man studies overtime for his Series 7 exam for work
i'll be moving in with them until Thursday
Handsome Man will get 3 quiet days to study and prepare.
i am grateful to God
for giving me such a good momma, daddy, and baby sister
and though i wept in embarrassment
at needing their help
i wept with joy
that i have such a sweet family.
the time will come
when i am no longer caged in our highly perched nest
due to the woes of pregnancy and the weight of mortality.
i will be able to spread my wings
and explore the world with my 3 little chickies
and my dear, dear Handsome Man
and its ok.